she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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