I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
