I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
