New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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