took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
