Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
