We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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