Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
