Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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