You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
