My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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