wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
