i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
