ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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