Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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