I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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