i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
