I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
