you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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