How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
