Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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