I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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