I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize