I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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