I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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