In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
