Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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