Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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