Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i will never coherently bang her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
