I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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