Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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