i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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