i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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