My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
