OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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