am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Less talking, more tequila
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
