I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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