you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
