He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
