dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
