I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
