Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
