i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
