Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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