Got a toothbrush?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
