I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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