you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
