I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
