My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
