Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
