I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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