drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
