I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
