Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
