ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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