I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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