fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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