Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
