Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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