There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
