I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
