it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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